Dillon, day 115 of my life in DC!

Image credit: Mike Olness

Dillon, day 115 of my life in DC!
3 min read

Last night, as we were going to bed, Mom asked me if I thought I had a good life here in the DC area. While you might think that the answer would be an immediate “Yes,” I actually thought about it for a few minutes before answering. Yes, it seems like I have a pretty good deal going here, but if I’m honest, things could be better. Don’t get me wrong, a few months ago I was happy just to eat every day. Now, my standards have been raised, and with higher standards, I’d like to take advantage of this whole democracy thing to make some changes. I want to run for office and be a part of the household executive team that runs this place. I want my voice to be heard! I’m not running on any sort of that unity crap or anything. I figure we all get along pretty well already. I’m more interested in making sure the four-legged voice is heard. Even though they say we live in a democracy, it seems more like a dictatorship where Micky and I are concerned. These are just a few of the goals I have for my first term in office. (And there will be multiple terms, since nobody has gotten off their @ss to implement term limits.) Most important among my goals is an immediate increase in the number of treats we get. I don’t think the chewy treats should be locked up in the cabinet I can’t open. We should be able to help ourselves when we want a treat. Also, humans should be as willing to share their dinner as I am. You want some of my yummy kibble, have at it! My next key concern is freedom of movement. Humans can leave the house only when I need a snooze and won’t require ball playing. Furthermore, when people do leave, there’s no need lock us up in our crates. We’re not criminals and Rat-Terrorists is just a rude stereotype. Why can’t we all just get along and let the dogs snooze on the couch when the humans leave? I’m sure it would cut down on the hissy-fits some of the dogs around here have when abandoned. (Not gonna point fingers on this one.) Another point on my “No More Cages” platform is the elimination of someone’s need to lock me in the exercise pen when she’s on her ellipsis. Just open the treat cabinet and I’ll exercise my own way. Don’t think I’m not willing to make some concessions too. I’m perfectly happy to donate my toothbrush to the cleaning bucket. I’m not a big fan of having that thing jammed in my mouth anyway. I’m also willing to implement water conservation measures and forego future baths. Bathes are just a waste of water that nobody wants to endure. Finally, there are a few minor issues I’d like to improve along the way. I want cuddling on my schedule. No more of this random snatch-and-grab stuff when we’re sleeping on the couch. Micky isn’t a big cuddler to begin with, so I know I’ll get her vote! Speaking of the couch, we want more animal planet and MUCH less science channel. We could also do without all the home buying and selling shows. Didn’t they just move into a new place? The last thing on my list is the numbers for all my friends. I want to be able to call them for play dates when I want. If you don’t want to chuck my ball, let me call up Kona so he can come over for me to chew on him. He’s always up for a play date! These seem like reasonable changes and I’m willing to give this democracy thing a chance. I’m pretty sure I can count on Micky’s vote and I bet I can dupe Dad into voting my way on some of these issues. He never really pays attention to what’s going on. So, vote early, vote often, Dillon for King… uh, I mean president of the household! (I’ll worry about King at Jam!)

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